Just beginning

At my sonogram appointment on Saturday I was told I do have some follicles beginning to grow. The nurse didn't give me an exact number but said that everything looked good, I saw her measure at least 5, she also said there was a smaller cluster but they were little and she wasn't going to worry about them. I finished up the Clomid last night, this evening when Paul gets home he will help me with the first Menopur injection. I am not apprehensive about the injection itself. I am apprehensive about mixing the medication correctly though. Next appointment is Wednesday. Will hopefully know more then.

Ugh

It isn't that others shouldn't be blessed with children, it is why can't I be! All of these people from my past keep popping up pregnant and I am frustrated. I am really struggling to be happy for them. Some have been wanting and trying to have another baby for quite sometime but I feel like someone just punched me in the ovaries. It hurts so bad!

So I went in for my baseline appointment yesterday (11.24.09) I was told everything looked good. But that they did notice the path to the uterus has a curve to it, sort of C shaped. I was quickly told that it was not abnormal, doesn't have anything to do with me not getting pregnant that is just the way I am built. The nurse did say that seeing how it is shaped may help with my next insemination. I started Clomid last night, and will continue through Saturday. My next sonogram and blood draw appointment is 830 Saturday morning.

Long Break

So we have been on a sabbatical of sorts from infertility drugs. Due to vacation conflicts, a sono-hystergram and insurance issues we had to take about a 3 month break. My cycle has started and I will have my first appointment for blood work and to check to make sure there are no cysts on Tuesday. We are moving on to the next stage in infertility treatment. I will be doing a Clomid/Menopur cycle this month, with progesterone tabs.

I will be checking in on here every time I have an appointment.

5 stages of finding our you're not pregnant

If I don't laugh, I'll cry...so here ya go....

Similar to the five stages of death, when you find out you're not pregnant you find yourself going through a similar state of mind.

Stage one: Denial
No, this can't be my period. It looks too light. It could still be implantation bleeding. The blood on the tampon looks too brown. I'll just wait until the end of the day to take a pregnancy test. If the pregnancy test is negative, it could mean that I tested too early. I don't have cramps this month and it doesn't "feel" like my period. I could still be pregnant.

Stage two: Anger
Well, I'm not pregnant again! Why does this keep happening to me? Will I ever get pregnant? I hate all those pregnant women on Facebook. Why do they keep posting pictures of their belly's? Who wants to see pictures of their babies anyways? There are pregnant women everywhere. How do they get pregnant so easily? Must be nice to be so fertile.

Stage three: Bargaining
Please God. Give me a child. I will do anything. I promise I will lose weight and eat healthy if I can just get pregnant next month. Sperms - please implant. Just swim upstream as fast as you can. Follicles - please grow and multiple. I promise not to drink coffee tomorrow and I'll be the best mother ever. Doctor - please don't cancel my cycle, I'm okay with having 8 babies.

Stage four: Depression
WHY ME??? I feel like my heart is going to ache forever and my eyes hurt from crying so much. There is a lump in my chest. I am going to sleep all day in bed because what's the point of getting up anyway? Why is the pregnancy test always negative? How come everyone else can get pregnant but me? I feel so alone. My husband doesn't understand how awful it feels.

Stage five: Acceptance
Well. I guess it's really my period. I guess that negative pregnancy test really is correct. I'm not pregnant this month. I know it seemed like it was implantation spotting but it's really my period.
Time to tell my spouse that I'm not pregnant.

Coping

I found this and thought it might help others, I could definitely relate.....

Each individual experiences infertility in her or his own unique and valid way. While no one can predict one person's reaction to a diagnosis or treatment recommendation, many have similar reactions to this life-changing event.

Emotional/psychological experiences may include:

•feelings of loss of control are common and sometimes uncomfortable
•the emotional roller coaster of hope and despair, either with each treatment or on a monthly basis
•feelings of failure and low self-esteem are normal as are feeling of guilt, blame, shame and embarrassment
•the process erodes and consumes time and energy
•financial issues - loss of other dreams in exchange for treatment
•changes within your relationship - pull together or apart - infertility brings most couples closer together but changes in intimacy are often associated with treatment regimens
•impact on employment and performance at work
•feelings of injustice are reality based

Suggestions for coping more effectively:

•begin/continue treatment with an open mind and a positive attitude - never say never!
•realize that you must live and work in the fertile world, and manage your relationships with family members and friends
•develop a stress management program - simplify!
•Confide in select friends and family members
•periodically reexamine your options
•consider joining a support group
•grieve your losses - there are many for some people engage in individual or couples therapy if your infertility is secondary, try to renew your relationship with your child
•be gentle with yourself avoid uncomfortable social situations - holidays, baby showers, certain family gatherings be "out of town" buy gift certificates and mail them with your negative rsvp

It is important to maintain the perspective that treatment is a means to an end, and to realize that you are very likely to become a parent someday soon.

Infertility is like a broken bone. When it heals, it will be stronger than ever, but on rainy days, it hurts…….