Drama

I was taking a shower and didn't feel too good so I got out and dressed for bed. I laid down for a few minutes hoping it would pass but then I felt horrible pain in a straight line from my belly button all the way down my abdomen. I was frozen in the position I was in, it hurt too bad to even think about moving and I was afraid if I did move that it would make the pain worse so I just laid there. Praying. Lord don't take our babies.

This happened just 2 days after our visit where we got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. After about a half hour I got up to use the restroom and there was bright red blood. I was in shock. I was in denial. I went and laid back down. Praying. Lord don't take our babies.

At some point I fell asleep. In the morning I was still having some bleeding/spotting so I immediately called the clinic. I left a message for our nurse, G. She listened to my account of what happened and told me to lay back down she would consult with Dr. W and call me back in a couple minutes. I waited. Praying. Lord don't take our babies.

Nurse G. called back and said that Dr. W wanted me to be on bed-rest for the day, to only get up when absolutely necessary and that I needed to come in for another ultrasound first thing the next morning. I let my manager at work know what was going on and that I wouldn't be in the office for the day. Then I laid flat on the couch for the remainder of the day. Praying. Lord don't take our babies. I was restless all night willing the morning to come faster so that we could hurry up and get to the clinic for our appointment.

Finally it was time for us to get up and head to the clinic. Sitting in the waiting room was excruciating. The ladies at the front counter looked at me and asked if I was alright, I could barely muster a nod of my head. As I had spent much of the previous 24 hours going between feeling numb and crying so I am sure I wasn't looking so good.

Dr. W got everything set up quickly, asked how bad the bleeding/spotting was and then he made some notes in my chart. Finally it was time to take a look inside. We held our breaths steeling ourselves against hearing the worst. Then after a few moments he pushed a button on the monitor and we once again got to hear the woosh, woosh, woosh of our babies heartbeat. The 3 of us let out a collective sigh of relief. Dr. W then moved the camera around to get a look at the second sac. He told us it was collapsing. Our second little was not going to make it.

It is a strange and difficult place to be - elated because our little with the heartbeat was ok but grieving because we were losing the second little. I was sad, I cried for our little who would never be but thankful that we did not lose them both.

At just over 6 and 1/2 weeks we lost our second little. 

The good news from that appointment was that little #1 had a stronger heartbeat than just 3 days prior. 

Heartbeat @ 125!

Dr. W then took length measurements. 

Dr. W said that unless I began bleeding again, more than I had already or I was suddenly in a lot of pain again that he would see us again in 10 days. But, he did not expect anymore drama. This little was doing well and it would be our take-home baby. While we are thankful for his optimism and knowledge in this field it is difficult to block out the possibility that while this baby is currently thriving nothing is guaranteed. We are laying our trust in God that he will continue to protect and grow this precious little one whom we already love so very much.


Disclaimer: Everything is still going well with the pregnancy. We are well past when these events occurred.