There are so many times I am not sure how to express what is going on inside every single month. Many would think that because I am not "cycling" right now that my infertility is on the back burner. It doesn't mean we aren't trying, or stop talking about it. Infertility is never on the back burner it is always right there - every day (every hour, every minute).
I have been thinking a lot about getting pregnant before we get to an IVF cycle. Does that mean I am an impostor? Was I not really infertile? I am sure that many people would think that way. I am infertile. Even if I am not sure I could ever say that out loud. I am infertile. If I became pregnant without any assistance I would be over the moon. It would be a miracle (with God all things are possible). I would also probably react a bit in the same manner that Mrs. Laura Bush did. I may live in a world of disbelief. Because it has been so long, so difficult, so much disappointment. Could anything this good actually happen to us?
Another thought comes up... what about all of that money we have raised, all of the items donated by friends, all of the surprise monetary donations? I do not know what the end result would be, but until I was holding my baby in my arms I guarantee that I would continue the fundraising. I know heartache. I know that a positive test does not equal a baby in 9 1/2 months. I know that just because you hear the heartbeat, or find out if it is a boy or girl does not mean you will hold that precious bundle of joy in your arms, they will always be held in your heart though.
31, 32, 33 ......... 44, 45, 46 ........ 57, 58, 59 .......
stretching, cramping, fatigue, missing my period
google is not your friend
writing random symptoms, looking up how many days pregnant (possibly) you are, trying to figure out what your due date might be, flirting with the thoughts of possible names.
dangerous game
heart break could be around the corner
1 comment:
You are on my heart daily, sometimes hourly.
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