Taken from another infertiles blog -- she generally illicits a laugh out of me.
#650 Did you hear the one about the Infertile and the Transvaginal Wand?
Infertility is no joke.
There is nothing funny about transvaginal wands; having a fertility doctor looking at your Hoo Haw at 7:00 in the morning or lying to your boss when you arrive late to work because you were having eggs surgically removed from your ovaries. It is no laughing matter when your husband has to provide a sperm sample in the fertility clinic porn room; when you injure your back after elevating your legs following baby-making sex; or when you are secretly envious of your pregnant dog. Mr. Giggles.
Infertility is no laughing matter….
….But infertility jokes are a riot! Enjoy some courtesy of the awesome women and men on my Facebook page!
“It’s getting to the point where anyone with a white coat will be allowed access to my uterus. Which makes for some really awkward trips to the deli and the make up counter.” -Melissa
“At 8:50 PM an infertile walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Can I get you a shot?” “Not for another 10 minutes, but I’ll take a margarita while I wait.” -Marci
“You know you are trying to get pregnant when: Someone asks you today’s date and you reply “Day 21.” -Melissa
“You know you have been TTC too long when you open the fridge door and immediately get angry at the eggs in the carton…. or jealous.” -Tiffany
“You know you are infertile when you ’stare’ at the belly of a pregnant lady from work and see her drink from the water cooler and quickly fill up on the water hoping ‘its in the water.’ -Mylee
“What’s black, blue and red all over? My arms, tummy, bottom and thigh. I am doing treatments again….” -Brynn
Taken from 999 reasons to laugh at infertility
Showing posts with label 999 reasons to laugh at infertility blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 999 reasons to laugh at infertility blog. Show all posts
September 02, 2011
December 01, 2010
Nail on the Head!
#698 The “Why-Don’t-You-Just-Adopt” Friend
You (hopefully) have many supportive friends that you can lean on during your infertility journey. They may not always understand what you’re going through but they are always around to listen. And then there are your other friends…
Well-meaning as they are, some friends are more supportive than others. Sometimes their advice really doesn’t seem to help…
•You have the “Have-you-ever-thought-about-adopting?” friend. Great idea! Adopting a child seems like an easy and fun thing to do! I’ll just ask Brad and Angelina to help me out.
•The “I-guess-your-uterus-and-parts-are-really-damaged” friend. Thanks for your sensitive comment. Me and my damaged lady parts enjoyed it!
•The “Why-don’t-you-just-go-on-vacation-and-you’ll-come-back-pregnant-too” friend. Funny. We’re been on vacation and came back infertile each time. Should I go to a specific destination next time?
•The “I-heard-raspberry-leaf-tea-was-good” friend. I drank it for several months. It was gross and I’m still infertile.
•The “My-friend-got-pregnant-doing-IVF. Why-don’t-you-call-her-doctor” friend. Sure, I’d love to wait another six months to see a new doctor. Can you lend me $10,000 for IVF?
•The “I-have-a-friend-who-adopted-and-then-got-pregnant” friend. Great! I’ll just follow that helpful piece of advice.
•The “It-will-happen-just-give-it-time” friend. We’ll, I’m reaching menopause and we’ve been trying for 10 years but I’ll just wait it out, like you suggested.
Thanks a lot for your advice.
The message is if you want to support someone going through infertility, just listen and don’t give anymore advice.
13 Responses to “#698 The “Why-Don’t-You-Just-Adopt” Friend”
CaturdayNurse says:
2010/11/29 at 3:21 pm
These are right on the money. When I complain about it to my mom, she tells me, “Well, people are uncomfortable so they just want to try to help by offering advice.” How is it my problem that my horrible situation makes Buffy a little squeamish? Go take a flying leap! I’ll remember to tell them,”Oh, it’ll get better soon- just give it time,” when they annouce their cancer diagnoses. After all, platitudes must be better than a gentle pat on the back, otherwise they wouldn’t always be escaping someone’s lips. Empathy, people, not spewage of hurtfulness!
cw sys:
2010/11/29 at 3:23 pm
ugh the my friend got pregnant doing ivf – call her doctor one really upsets me. i like my doctor. it has been one fresh cycle. lay off. i don’t want to see another doctor if I did I would let you know. and the give it time. easy for them to say when they fall pregnant on the first go. it has been two years. i-have-given-it-time!!!! on an aside the RLT hasn’t necessary worked for me but it has improved my cycle so there is one plus!
Jenn says:
2010/11/29 at 5:04 pm
I love your blog, it’s nice to read something I can relate to. I have a friend who is always pushing her dr on me, no thanks I like my dr. Then my aunt told me it will happen if I believe. Didn’t know that’s all it took.
cherbear says:
2010/11/30 at 6:53 am
the worst thing is “maybe its just not the right time”. Um okay yeah just WHEN is the right time?? And since I have to do IVF, someone please tell me when the right time is so we can plan our cycle at that time, thanks.
sassyNtubeless says:
2010/11/30 at 8:29 am
ha ha thanks for this post! it really helps, esp after when the holidays are coming up!! my favorite is go on vacation and you’ll come back pregnant! HAHA
will this vacation include my RE doctor accompanying us??
Emily says:
2010/11/30 at 9:23 am
I love this! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who gets “those” comments and unwarranted advice from friends and family. The Dr. one really gets me–as though one Dr. is better than another or more of a miracle worker than the one I’ve been funneling my paycheck to? And to think that I have just been re-trying with the SAME Dr. instead of a new, better Dr.? Ugh. Sorry.
libby @ ninesandquines says:
2010/11/30 at 9:24 am
HA!! my standard answer to the “why don’t you just adopt” has been well thought out and honed over the years…it now is “that’s a GREAT idea – can you “just” GIVE me the $30,000 to pay off the loans we took out for our infertility treatments and then another, oh, $50,000 to complete the adoption?” gets them to shut the hell up right there….love the word “just” like it’s the easiest thing in the world….GAH!
Maren says:
2010/11/30 at 10:29 am
My personal favorite was my MIL telling me it’ll happen on God’s timing. Well hate to break it to ya lady but I highly doubt God can do his part if I just sit around and wait cuz her son, my hubs, has ZERO sperm, I don’t ovulate and have endometriosis and last I checked when you pursue adoption you actually have to be proactive with it. She did have a suggestion for us, she said I could use her husbands sperm if we wanted to do donor. Uhm EW and HELL NO. Way too awkward for me. Sorry. I rambled. Hah.
Samantha says:
2010/11/30 at 11:15 am
Don’t forget the “I know it’s really rough right now but it will all be worth it in the end” friend…what the heck to they know about rough they popped out 6 kids before they were 25, give me a break!
Dani girl says:
2010/11/30 at 12:38 pm
I always love the “I know what you’re going through” friend because it took them all of 6 months to get pregnant, because those 6 months were so hard! When would they ever understand getting your period, but just because its slightly lighter than the month before this time, you wonder if you could actually be pregnant and you’re one of those women who thinks they’re having a period! Or is that just me that does that?! (I hope not!)
Francie says:
2010/11/30 at 2:39 pm
The thing that makes me crazy: “why are you doing infertility treatment when there are SO many children in this country waiting for adoption?” Yeah, because of my medical condition I have to be a martyr and adopt a kid in foster care? Do you tell fertile people not to have another kid but rather adopt a child?
Toni says:
2010/11/30 at 6:05 pm
I love my sister and she’s been incredibly supportive but the other day after explaining to her that I had to go into the doctor four days in a row because I’m on an injectable cycle, she said “Wow I really didn’t understand how involved this was all going to be. Are you guys sure adoption is off the table?” Luckily we’re close enough that I could explain everything wrong with that statement.
Mahseeyah says:
2010/11/30 at 11:12 pm
I love ‘Oh cheer up love, it’s not that bad’ right after a failed cycle. Yeah sure I’ll cheer up, I’ll just flick that switch in my brain to cheerful and that will help me get pregnant!!! Dumbass. I would like to tell them to shut the F up and get out of my face.
You (hopefully) have many supportive friends that you can lean on during your infertility journey. They may not always understand what you’re going through but they are always around to listen. And then there are your other friends…
Well-meaning as they are, some friends are more supportive than others. Sometimes their advice really doesn’t seem to help…
•You have the “Have-you-ever-thought-about-adopting?” friend. Great idea! Adopting a child seems like an easy and fun thing to do! I’ll just ask Brad and Angelina to help me out.
•The “I-guess-your-uterus-and-parts-are-really-damaged” friend. Thanks for your sensitive comment. Me and my damaged lady parts enjoyed it!
•The “Why-don’t-you-just-go-on-vacation-and-you’ll-come-back-pregnant-too” friend. Funny. We’re been on vacation and came back infertile each time. Should I go to a specific destination next time?
•The “I-heard-raspberry-leaf-tea-was-good” friend. I drank it for several months. It was gross and I’m still infertile.
•The “My-friend-got-pregnant-doing-IVF. Why-don’t-you-call-her-doctor” friend. Sure, I’d love to wait another six months to see a new doctor. Can you lend me $10,000 for IVF?
•The “I-have-a-friend-who-adopted-and-then-got-pregnant” friend. Great! I’ll just follow that helpful piece of advice.
•The “It-will-happen-just-give-it-time” friend. We’ll, I’m reaching menopause and we’ve been trying for 10 years but I’ll just wait it out, like you suggested.
Thanks a lot for your advice.
The message is if you want to support someone going through infertility, just listen and don’t give anymore advice.
13 Responses to “#698 The “Why-Don’t-You-Just-Adopt” Friend”
CaturdayNurse says:
2010/11/29 at 3:21 pm
These are right on the money. When I complain about it to my mom, she tells me, “Well, people are uncomfortable so they just want to try to help by offering advice.” How is it my problem that my horrible situation makes Buffy a little squeamish? Go take a flying leap! I’ll remember to tell them,”Oh, it’ll get better soon- just give it time,” when they annouce their cancer diagnoses. After all, platitudes must be better than a gentle pat on the back, otherwise they wouldn’t always be escaping someone’s lips. Empathy, people, not spewage of hurtfulness!
cw sys:
2010/11/29 at 3:23 pm
ugh the my friend got pregnant doing ivf – call her doctor one really upsets me. i like my doctor. it has been one fresh cycle. lay off. i don’t want to see another doctor if I did I would let you know. and the give it time. easy for them to say when they fall pregnant on the first go. it has been two years. i-have-given-it-time!!!! on an aside the RLT hasn’t necessary worked for me but it has improved my cycle so there is one plus!
Jenn says:
2010/11/29 at 5:04 pm
I love your blog, it’s nice to read something I can relate to. I have a friend who is always pushing her dr on me, no thanks I like my dr. Then my aunt told me it will happen if I believe. Didn’t know that’s all it took.
cherbear says:
2010/11/30 at 6:53 am
the worst thing is “maybe its just not the right time”. Um okay yeah just WHEN is the right time?? And since I have to do IVF, someone please tell me when the right time is so we can plan our cycle at that time, thanks.
sassyNtubeless says:
2010/11/30 at 8:29 am
ha ha thanks for this post! it really helps, esp after when the holidays are coming up!! my favorite is go on vacation and you’ll come back pregnant! HAHA
will this vacation include my RE doctor accompanying us??
Emily says:
2010/11/30 at 9:23 am
I love this! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who gets “those” comments and unwarranted advice from friends and family. The Dr. one really gets me–as though one Dr. is better than another or more of a miracle worker than the one I’ve been funneling my paycheck to? And to think that I have just been re-trying with the SAME Dr. instead of a new, better Dr.? Ugh. Sorry.
libby @ ninesandquines says:
2010/11/30 at 9:24 am
HA!! my standard answer to the “why don’t you just adopt” has been well thought out and honed over the years…it now is “that’s a GREAT idea – can you “just” GIVE me the $30,000 to pay off the loans we took out for our infertility treatments and then another, oh, $50,000 to complete the adoption?” gets them to shut the hell up right there….love the word “just” like it’s the easiest thing in the world….GAH!
Maren says:
2010/11/30 at 10:29 am
My personal favorite was my MIL telling me it’ll happen on God’s timing. Well hate to break it to ya lady but I highly doubt God can do his part if I just sit around and wait cuz her son, my hubs, has ZERO sperm, I don’t ovulate and have endometriosis and last I checked when you pursue adoption you actually have to be proactive with it. She did have a suggestion for us, she said I could use her husbands sperm if we wanted to do donor. Uhm EW and HELL NO. Way too awkward for me. Sorry. I rambled. Hah.
Samantha says:
2010/11/30 at 11:15 am
Don’t forget the “I know it’s really rough right now but it will all be worth it in the end” friend…what the heck to they know about rough they popped out 6 kids before they were 25, give me a break!
Dani girl says:
2010/11/30 at 12:38 pm
I always love the “I know what you’re going through” friend because it took them all of 6 months to get pregnant, because those 6 months were so hard! When would they ever understand getting your period, but just because its slightly lighter than the month before this time, you wonder if you could actually be pregnant and you’re one of those women who thinks they’re having a period! Or is that just me that does that?! (I hope not!)
Francie says:
2010/11/30 at 2:39 pm
The thing that makes me crazy: “why are you doing infertility treatment when there are SO many children in this country waiting for adoption?” Yeah, because of my medical condition I have to be a martyr and adopt a kid in foster care? Do you tell fertile people not to have another kid but rather adopt a child?
Toni says:
2010/11/30 at 6:05 pm
I love my sister and she’s been incredibly supportive but the other day after explaining to her that I had to go into the doctor four days in a row because I’m on an injectable cycle, she said “Wow I really didn’t understand how involved this was all going to be. Are you guys sure adoption is off the table?” Luckily we’re close enough that I could explain everything wrong with that statement.
Mahseeyah says:
2010/11/30 at 11:12 pm
I love ‘Oh cheer up love, it’s not that bad’ right after a failed cycle. Yeah sure I’ll cheer up, I’ll just flick that switch in my brain to cheerful and that will help me get pregnant!!! Dumbass. I would like to tell them to shut the F up and get out of my face.
August 29, 2010
Blog from fellow IFer
The Infertile Positive –> Two week wait. Check toilet paper obsessively. Google all pregnancy symptoms. Get all fake pregnancy symptoms. Pee on multiple pregnancy sticks (or avoid them altogether). Take basal temperature, daily. Glare at pregnant bellies. Curse any celebrity that announces a pregnancy. Blood test. Positive? Disbelief. Wait for second beta. Hold breath. Feel nervous. Fearful. Tell no one. Continue to hold breath.
The Fertile Positive–> Pee on stick. Positive. Tell everyone including the grocery store cashier. Celebrate.
Your infertile positive will come. Just keep believing.
The Fertile Positive–> Pee on stick. Positive. Tell everyone including the grocery store cashier. Celebrate.
Your infertile positive will come. Just keep believing.
April 28, 2010
blog from IFer who finds reasons to smile through IF
Why am I not pregnant yet? I ask. I plead. I beg,
Why won’t Mr. Sperm just fertilize my egg?
It feels like everyone is pregnant, everyone but us,
Please let us jump on board this crowded fertile bus.
Baby bumps are everywhere! Please just grant our wish,
Even our goldfish, Patches, is expecting a baby fish!
Celebrities seem to sport a bump and a pregnant glow,
While I get bloated from fertility meds and curse my Aunty Flo.
We have tried EVERYTHING from doctors to special tea,
Every month, we plant our seeds so fertilize my tree!
And then we have to wait and wait to get our special sign,
But still a negative pregnancy test flashes just one line.
I can’t wait to be a mom, it will fill my life with roses,
Bring on the dirty diapers, puke and runny noses!
Our hearts are filled with anguish and our throats just have a lump,
We just want our miracle baby and that special baby bump.
But one day it will be our turn, I really do believe,
Our miracle will happen and then I will conceive.
Until then, we will save our tears and just learn how to cope,
We will still enjoy our lives and hold onto hope.
Why won’t Mr. Sperm just fertilize my egg?
It feels like everyone is pregnant, everyone but us,
Please let us jump on board this crowded fertile bus.
Baby bumps are everywhere! Please just grant our wish,
Even our goldfish, Patches, is expecting a baby fish!
Celebrities seem to sport a bump and a pregnant glow,
While I get bloated from fertility meds and curse my Aunty Flo.
We have tried EVERYTHING from doctors to special tea,
Every month, we plant our seeds so fertilize my tree!
And then we have to wait and wait to get our special sign,
But still a negative pregnancy test flashes just one line.
I can’t wait to be a mom, it will fill my life with roses,
Bring on the dirty diapers, puke and runny noses!
Our hearts are filled with anguish and our throats just have a lump,
We just want our miracle baby and that special baby bump.
But one day it will be our turn, I really do believe,
Our miracle will happen and then I will conceive.
Until then, we will save our tears and just learn how to cope,
We will still enjoy our lives and hold onto hope.
November 05, 2009
5 stages of finding our you're not pregnant
If I don't laugh, I'll cry...so here ya go....
Similar to the five stages of death, when you find out you're not pregnant you find yourself going through a similar state of mind.
Stage one: Denial
No, this can't be my period. It looks too light. It could still be implantation bleeding. The blood on the tampon looks too brown. I'll just wait until the end of the day to take a pregnancy test. If the pregnancy test is negative, it could mean that I tested too early. I don't have cramps this month and it doesn't "feel" like my period. I could still be pregnant.
Stage two: Anger
Well, I'm not pregnant again! Why does this keep happening to me? Will I ever get pregnant? I hate all those pregnant women on Facebook. Why do they keep posting pictures of their belly's? Who wants to see pictures of their babies anyways? There are pregnant women everywhere. How do they get pregnant so easily? Must be nice to be so fertile.
Stage three: Bargaining
Please God. Give me a child. I will do anything. I promise I will lose weight and eat healthy if I can just get pregnant next month. Sperms - please implant. Just swim upstream as fast as you can. Follicles - please grow and multiple. I promise not to drink coffee tomorrow and I'll be the best mother ever. Doctor - please don't cancel my cycle, I'm okay with having 8 babies.
Stage four: Depression
WHY ME??? I feel like my heart is going to ache forever and my eyes hurt from crying so much. There is a lump in my chest. I am going to sleep all day in bed because what's the point of getting up anyway? Why is the pregnancy test always negative? How come everyone else can get pregnant but me? I feel so alone. My husband doesn't understand how awful it feels.
Stage five: Acceptance
Well. I guess it's really my period. I guess that negative pregnancy test really is correct. I'm not pregnant this month. I know it seemed like it was implantation spotting but it's really my period.
Time to tell my spouse that I'm not pregnant.
Similar to the five stages of death, when you find out you're not pregnant you find yourself going through a similar state of mind.
Stage one: Denial
No, this can't be my period. It looks too light. It could still be implantation bleeding. The blood on the tampon looks too brown. I'll just wait until the end of the day to take a pregnancy test. If the pregnancy test is negative, it could mean that I tested too early. I don't have cramps this month and it doesn't "feel" like my period. I could still be pregnant.
Stage two: Anger
Well, I'm not pregnant again! Why does this keep happening to me? Will I ever get pregnant? I hate all those pregnant women on Facebook. Why do they keep posting pictures of their belly's? Who wants to see pictures of their babies anyways? There are pregnant women everywhere. How do they get pregnant so easily? Must be nice to be so fertile.
Stage three: Bargaining
Please God. Give me a child. I will do anything. I promise I will lose weight and eat healthy if I can just get pregnant next month. Sperms - please implant. Just swim upstream as fast as you can. Follicles - please grow and multiple. I promise not to drink coffee tomorrow and I'll be the best mother ever. Doctor - please don't cancel my cycle, I'm okay with having 8 babies.
Stage four: Depression
WHY ME??? I feel like my heart is going to ache forever and my eyes hurt from crying so much. There is a lump in my chest. I am going to sleep all day in bed because what's the point of getting up anyway? Why is the pregnancy test always negative? How come everyone else can get pregnant but me? I feel so alone. My husband doesn't understand how awful it feels.
Stage five: Acceptance
Well. I guess it's really my period. I guess that negative pregnancy test really is correct. I'm not pregnant this month. I know it seemed like it was implantation spotting but it's really my period.
Time to tell my spouse that I'm not pregnant.
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