Nothing...

We are honing in on month 6 and no luck yet. But it is the start of a new year and I am hopeful that sometime soon we will find out there will be a little one joining our family.

7 days

Tomorrow morning it will be 1 week since I took the first test. There is still no sign of my cycle showing up. I want to get excited and I can feel it bubbling up inside me but I am afraid to crash if I get another negative result. I am trying to keep my feet on the ground and think about other things. I was rambling about it to Paul last night how we wish it would have happened the first month we were trying, or the second, or third but thinking about work and timing it seems as if this would be great timing. I would be able to be home for over a month with the little one before having to take any of my leave from work. By my calculations IF I am pregnant the little one would arrive between my FIL birthday and TKs. I think that would be super cool. I am still torn about if I should take the test tomorrow morning because I am in a sort of fantasy land where I can pretend somewhere deep in my brain that I am in fact pregnant.... Time will tell.

Negative

It is a downer when you have high hopes and you see only one stupid line on that stick. It could be to early, so I will wait a week see if I get the end of my cycle and if not I will test again.

As you can see

No new developments have taken place. It is now almost the last week in October and I am waiting for my monthly cycle to either show or not. There have been 32 days since my last. I do not have an average it ranges from 25 days up to 40 days. And usually defalts around 32-33 days. Paul and I are crossing our fingers, and praying like crazy that this is our month. We have another week to wait till we can find out. I am trying not to think about it or stress but it is hard. If it didn't happen this month then we have to talk about if we want to wait a month before trying again as it would be the beginning of school otherwise and may make it difficult for me to be re-hired. Which is something to think about since I am on a temporary contract that is up in June. I dont want to wait because we have already waited so long but we do need to take it under advisment. I suppose that can wait and be thought about next week. For now fingers and toes crossed.

strike two

We are now at the end of August. I am not as bummed out as I thought I would be when my period showed up this month. I have been in prayer about Paul and I becoming parents and I know it will happen at the right time. It is hard to wait but I know it will be well worth it. So as we move into September I am full of optimism and hope that the time is coming when we will be able to share the good news with everyone that I am pregnant.

2010 edit - I wish I could have a glimpse of this optimism now. The woman I was then seems so far away from who I feel like now.

vacation

This month the Mr. and I took our annual anniversary trip. We had a great time while visiting DC and staying at a nice Irish hotel. Lucky for us this month we are together for 3 of the 4 weeks and it included the time I supposedly ovulated. So in another couple weeks we should be able to take a test to see if we succeeded or not.

take two

I have taken note that my cycle is very long. And as I was in Vegas when I finally ovulated of course there was no chance to conceive this month. We are now beginning month number two and I am thinking that the waiting is even harder because we have so long to wait in between each cycle. Where an average woman has a period every month by my calculations I only have about 10 a year. I am hoping that with ovulation kits, proper nutrition, exercise, and seeing the doctor that this will not hinder our chances of getting pregnant.

waiting

is the hardest part. The time between ovulating and waiting for your "special" time to show up or not seems to last forever. If I am not pregnant I want my "special" time to show up NOW. I do not like the waiting game.

2010 edit - I have of course found out since then that this tormenting time between ovulation and menstruation is called the dreaded 2WW (2 week wait)

breath

I was relieved when one of my little sticks said that yes indeed I ovulate. I took a breath and smiled, but then I remembered I was in the middle of a desert and a state away from Paul. It is still good to know since it took 22 days all the way from June 18th till July 9th for me to ovulate. I am excited for this new chapter in our lives. The great name debate has started. We are 2/3 of the way there as we already have middle names picked out and a last name of course :) Now about those first names...

books

Every time I am in a bookstore (which is quite often) I find myself in the pregnancy section. Reading the first chapter in each book on how to get pregnant, the first signs of pregnancy and what to do before you are pregnant. Today I saw in one that feeling some cramping could be your uterus expanding. I have been feeling this for the last two days. It feels as if I am about to start my period but that would be almost two weeks early. I also have found myself randomly tearing up for no reason at all. Song on the radio, reading an email, thinking about my friends. It is starting to make me feel coo-coo. I don't think I have ovulated yet which would make these just random occurrences that are going on. I need to find something else to occupy my mind.

2010 edit - now when I go into a book store I am searching for books on infertility, which unfortunately are wedged in between all the "Yay, you're pregnant" books.

ovulation

I am worried about not ovulating. I know that my cycle is normal most of the year, but once or twice a year my cycle is extraordinarily long. Today should have been the day but it hasn't happened yet at least not according to the little stick this morning. There are so many things that happen and that people think about when wanting to get pregnant but it seems somewhat taboo to talk about them and I am not sure why. Getting pregnant or rather the lack there of seems to be a touchy subject. No one wants to hear about the intimate details which is to bad.

2010 edit - If you don't want to know the details it would be in your best interest to stop reading this blog, now.

subconscious

The Mr. has already begun to have weird dreams about babies. I think most of them are inspired by the movie that is coming out License to Wed. At least in his dreams he is changing diapers that gives me hope for the future. ;)

growing a family

I am NOT pregnant!

"If you are reading this it means that over two months have gone past and Paul and I have confirmed that I am pregnant."


This is what I wrote back in 2007 - it is now 2010. I thought about deleting this completely but this shows just how naive I was back then. That I thought it would be a cake walk to get pregnant. As you will find out, if you don't already know, it has been anything but.